Monday, July 28, 2014
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Loving Letters
I received a large manila envelope from my son David today. It was fairly thick and a little soft, I assumed that it contained paper but had no idea what it could be. All the way from Richmond, Virginia, he had never sent me anything like this and gave no advance notice of it coming.
Curious of course, but still, as I opened the envelope with the mystery inside, I felt as if I wanted to keep it a secret a bit longer. You know, something like savoring that first bite of your favorite ice cream (mine, peanut butter/chocolate). You are holding the bowl, gazing at this creamy delight, waiting for that first taste, anticipation. Like the ice cream, I only lasted 5 seconds, my desire won out as usual.
It was indeed papers. The top piece was a note from David explaining the contents. They were a stack of letters written by many of his students – letters to me of thanks and appreciation regarding my visit in September and for funding a great breakfast that David cooked for them: his wonderful Tortilla Espanola.
I knew without a doubt that as soon as I would begin reading the letters that I would get teary. I didn’t disappoint myself. This next section is my letter to those wonderful, endearing, courageous kids in the Success Program at L.C. Bird High School in Richmond, Virginia.
What a wonderful surprise today when I received all of your great letters. You are all so very welcome, it was my pleasure, so happy you liked the Tortilla. David has made it for me twice now and I can still taste how delicious it was.
Even though it has been about four months since I was in your classroom, I see all of your faces in my mind’s eye, my memory, and that vision makes me smile. You were polite to the ‘volunteer’ making cinnamon toast but you were loving and as kind to me as your teachers ‘Ma’. I will be forever grateful for the experiences that week.
As I was sitting in the front of the class as my son began to read our story I watched all of your faces. Some of you had a look of boredom; some were fidgeting, some just maybe wanting the class to be over. I watched your faces as it began to dawn on you what the story was all about. When you realized that it was about me, having had a child when I was a senior in high school, the atmosphere in the classroom changed dramatically. As my eyes locked with a student, some held my gaze, other’s quickly looked away. The only noise in the room besides my son reading was all of you, in unison, turning the pages of your copy of our story.
I saw emotion, some very raw, I could see pain. It was so quiet it was nearly deafening. I know that may sound strange, it even does to me. What I mean is that the silence in the room almost had a life of its own.
When I finished my epilogue, the looks on your faces was something I will treasure all of my life. I think the thing that gripped me the most was that you really listened to the story. You answered the questions about the story and then had the most astounding and amazing questions for both of us. I can tell you, without any reservation at all, that you, the Success students gave me one of the best gifts I have ever received. And I was able to unwrap it 6 times over 3 days. Wow!
You are all striving to improve your grades and your lives. I see that in your letters and I hear that from my son. He is so very, very proud of all of you. I am part of that list, the people who are proud of you and your accomplishments. You have the answer right in front of you, the ability to make the most out of your education. Just look in a mirror; looking back is the most phenomenal person in the world. Looking back is the young man or your woman who can set a goal and achieve it. It won’t always be easy, life just works that way. Don’t ever give up on yourself – you can be the cause for change.
I could go on and on about all of you, how truly amazing I know you are. Suffice it to say that my instincts are pretty darn good, I can spot a winner and you are all in that category. Just remember a winner is prepared when an opportunity arises. That is what Oprah says about luck and she is right.
I hope to come back for a visit this spring. If it works out you know I will be at school, it just wouldn’t be the same for me, not seeing all of you.
Sending you a huge hug,
Ma - Dianne
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
This One to Take Home
This story you are about to read is true, it is a major part of my life and a prologue to the Richmond story
This One to Take Home
Page was just a baby, 15 years old, and it was painfully obvious to me that she was pregnant. I watched her on the soccer field that crisp November afternoon in 1983, playing with a hesitation and slowness I had never witnessed in her before. She was now wearing her team jersey out, rather than tucked in, with a large T-shirt underneath - more bulk to hide her growing secret.
Page was one of my daughter’s best friends, a girl who had been like a part of our family. I was a surrogate mom to her for some time. She had been living with her father and had not had contact with her mother for several years.
When Page’s father confronted her, she firmly denied that she was pregnant. But it did not take much longer for the truth to become evident.
My heart went out to Page. Twenty-one years ago, at the age of 16, at the beginning of my senior year in high school, I too became pregnant. I too tried to hide my pregnancy and deny what was happening to my body, my life. It all came back to me in a head long rush; the pain, the hiding, the shame. Even the time of our pregnancies was the same, a March due date of a child that would be considered by the world as illegitimate. With all of these similarities, I still could not bring myself to tell Page about our common bond. In all of these years I had kept this part of my life a secret from nearly everyone. That was the way unwed mothers were treated in 1963.
I had been dating Larry for one year, he was my first love. It took us a long time before we made the fateful step that would bind us forever. At the time I became pregnant Larry had already graduated from high school, had a job and wanted to marry me. That sounded so good. Then I could be ‘normal’, no one would stare at me and point at the girl who was pregnant and not married. I would have a husband and a home of my own. But after many hours of counseling and pressure from my family, I couldn’t fight it any longer. My family decided that I would go to California and stay with my uncle who was a doctor for the duration of my pregnancy and the birth. My baby would be given up for adoption. My child needed a chance at a full life with two parents who could give him all of the advantages that we, as teenage parents couldn’t. The decision did not come easily for either of us.
Larry wrote letters, sent flowers and called on the phone. Although he never wavered in his loyalty or love, I began to withdraw. People around me tried to fill the void but most of the time I was overwhelmed with loneliness; it seemed to surround me constantly.
I had a visiting teacher twice a week to keep up with my studies but most of the time I would sit in the house hour after hour just looking out the window, hoping to wake from this nightmare. I wanted to wake up in my own bed, in my own house. I wanted to go to school, to the dances, football games and parties; to be a part of all of the activities that had been my world such a short time ago. But it was a cold, hard reality; I was pregnant and nothing would ever be the same again.
When Page asked me to be her birth coach I didn’t hesitate for a minute. I wanted to be there for her but I needed to be there for me.
In many ways things are different now, thank God, but some things never change. Page’s father had difficulty dealing with the situation, his family was not told of Page’s pregnancy. His need for secrecy outweighed her need for support. He was ill equipped to handle what was happening to his youngest daughter, this girl he loved with all of his heart.
He reacted in the only way he could at that time of his life - with anger, hurt, confusion and pain. I in turn had trouble dealing with his inability to give Page the love and tenderness that she so desperately needed. It became a stand off of sorts between us. He was grateful for my help but was deaf to my pleas. I was living my pregnancy all over again and wanted to ease as much of Page’s pain as possible. Searching my memory and soul all these years later I know that Page’s father simply didn’t know what to do, he did the best he could, he loved his daughter more than anything.
The next few months will always be a vivid memory as I watched Page struggle through the ordeal of teenage pregnancy. Page was hidden away from the world. Even in the 1980’s schools had not progressed to today’s standards. Unwed pregnant teens were required to attend an alternative school. She was shunned by several of the parents on the soccer team as an ‘undesirable influence’ and lost many ‘friends’. She held her head high in Lamaze classes, above all of the stares. She looks at me quizzically as if to say, ‘why would I‘? I needed that ring on my finger in 1963 to feel accepted.
As the months rolled on, Page was feeling all of the effects a woman does entering her ninth month of pregnancy; tired, big, uncoordinated and moody. The joy and anticipation that should be a part of this time of a woman’s life was absent. But she was facing so much more because she was still a child. She wouldn’t turn 16 until April, one month after the baby was due.
On March 19, 1984, as I was sitting at work, Page called - this was it. With a quick farewell to my co-workers I hurried to pick her up. There was an incredible excitement inside of me. I felt that I was finally going to witness the birth of the child I had had twenty-one years ago. And this time I will be a part of what is happening, not subdued in a frightened and drugged sleep.
Upon arriving at Paige’s house she told me that she didn’t have a robe so we had to go shopping and there was no changing her mind. I was very anxious to get her to the hospital and she was just as determined to postpone it for as long as possible. In the department store, as we tried to fit a nine month belly into a non-maternity size 10 robe, she was having contractions and I was going wild! We both began to laugh, a little too hysterically.
Once Page had checked into the hospital, my mind wandered back to the day my child was born. My mother had flown down to be with me as my due date neared. I woke up on March 12, 1963 and realized that I was going into labor. I must have been scared, but I don’t remember. There hadn’t been any birth classes; no preparation at all. My memories of that day are only of that morning. I have blocked all else from my mind. They say that this is the minds way of easing the pain, just as if I had been in an accident. If you can’t remember, there is no pain. But no matter how many drugs you are given, you never forget that you were pregnant for nine months. Further I had to accept that the baby I was about to give birth to would be raised by another family. A day never goes by that I don’t think about my child, wondering what he looks like, did he do well in school, was he happy, but most of all, were his parents good to him and love him as I did.
I don’t remember the trip to the hospital, checking in or my doctor. I had seen this man many, many times, so why couldn’t I remember him? They gave me medication, enough to sedate me but not so much that I couldn’t assist during labor. I do recall some pain and I remember my mother ‘s face; she looked like she was in as much agony as I was. My next memory is waking and realizing that I had thrown up because of the awful taste in my mouth. I have absolutely no other memories of my stay in the hospital other than I was moved to a surgical floor, far away from the maternity wing.
Page went through labor barely uttering a sound. I was amazed at how she was handling everything. The stronger she was, the more empathy I felt for her, the more I wanted to change places so she wouldn’t have to suffer as I knew she would . . .the pain was inevitable.
By 9:00pm the waiting room was filled with people that loved Page including the boy who was her love, the father of her baby. This young man was at her side through these past nine months as much as he could be. Like Larry, he didn’t flee, he remained steadfast.
She had now been in labor for nine hours, fairly intense labor for three and hard labor for at least one hour. I took a break to let her father and everyone else know how she was doing.
As I went back into the room, exhausted both physically and emotionally, my strength was renewed as I looked at Page’s face. The pain was obvious but she continued to do what she was told, breathing just the way we had learned and uttering barely a sound. She would talk a bit, ask questions about procedure, maybe ask one of us to rub her back. That was all. She had more courage than 100 men.
The time comes and we can see the baby’s head. . .I had never witnessed a birth before, it is amazing, truly a miracle, unbelievable! Then the shoulders, “stop pushing Page, it’s almost here” the doctor said. She was squeezing our hands so tightly that I thought my bones would break before this child arrived. At that moment, this new, beautiful life slipped into our world. With parents waiting to give her a home who were sitting in a comfortable living room miles away, and parents here at the hospital who have grown from innocent, fun loving teenagers into pseudo adults over night.
We look lovingly at this beautiful little girl that Page has just given birth to. We all cried over this child but save some tears for Page. She was so tired and so afraid to look at the baby. I cry over this new life with a mixture of love and guilt. I cry for my child. I cry for the child that I never saw. The child I had never touched. The child I have grieved over all of these years.
In 1963 they took my baby away from me while I was still asleep. That was the conventional wisdom at that time. In 1984, Page, her family and close friends saw, held and loved her daughter. They took pictures and Paige was given a birth certificate from the hospital to take home.
Two days later I drove to the hospital to pick Page up. It was agreed that she stay in our home for a few days since I had the time to take care of her. I found her sitting in her hospital room, staring out of the window with tears streaming down her face. No sobs, no sounds at all. She had just come back from the nursery to see and hold her daughter for the last time. We sat quietly, holding hands crying.
Her doctor walked into the room and as she struggled to pull herself together, he took her hand and told her to take all the time she needed, that he would wait as long as necessary. Once she was composed, he handed her a book entitled ‘Promises from God’. Inside was a personal inscription that, although I can no longer remember it verbatim, in essence said that she had presented a beautiful gift to the world and that her life would always be full in God’s eyes. She was a wonderful person and that she should never let anyone tell her otherwise. She should always be proud of everything she did and would do in the future.
In that moment I pretended that someone had written those words to me.
When we got home Page fell into an exhausted sleep. Sitting quietly my mind began to race, thinking of Page’s future and of the future of her child. My emotions now flowed uncontrolled. All of the old pain came back along with the new. I began to cry and realized that all of these feelings had been pent up inside of my heart for 21 years. I could no longer hold them in nor did I want to.
This story has a happy ending. Page and her husband of 2 years were expecting their first child in May of 1990. He was stationed in Korea and unable to be there for the birth. Page called me at 5:30am on May 2nd. I flew to the hospital and was able to see her daughter being born.
Page gave me the greatest gift of all. . . . . . . a beautiful baby girl, this one for Page to take home.
Epilogue
June 4, 2010
I have kept all of this locked in my heart since March 12, 1963, the day my first child was born. The one exception is the story you just read and heard. I wrote it for a college creative writing class in late May of 1990. It was cathartic at the time to put it on paper but was, again, locked away in my heart and soul .
To my great delight I recently reconnected with Page. She has gone on to rise four wonderful children, has a successful career and is very happily married to one of the nicest men I have ever met.
In thinking about her, I remembered the story I had written and dug it out of my files. In reading it, I have gained a freedom from all of the ghosts in my past that were too painful to have in front of me.
June 7, 2010 - The saga continues.
I had begun searches for my son a few times over the years but fear stopped me each time. Fear of my child rejecting me, of his being angry and bitter that I had given him up. Fear of my friends thinking less of me. Fear stopped me from living my life fully and openly.
I immediately began looking at websites to search for this child I had grown in my body, then gave up for adoption. I left a message on a site with what little information I had. I knew where my child had been born, the date of birth, my maiden name and that I ‘thought’ I had had a boy. The only indicator as to the sex of my child was a note that was read to me when I signed the final adoption papers; ‘he is healthy’. All else was kept from me and I didn’t ask.
In a matter of an hour or so I was contacted by an online researcher, Lori. Within 6 hours she told me that I had indeed given birth to a boy. In less than another 6 hours I knew his name - a name but no face, no remembered touches, cuddles, no tears spilling on to his precious fingers, no kisses on his head, cheeks, toe’s. Nothing, but I have a name!!!
There are some confusing issues regarding his birth certificate but Lori is digging into it.
June 11, 2010
We are having difficulty locating my son but Lori uncovered the fact that he has a brother named John. She found that John was a Colonel in the Marine Corp located him in Maryland. After leaving several unreturned phone messages with one of John’s colleagues and loosing hope, I finally talked to John this morning. He felt that everything ‘matched’ up and said he would call his brother and pass on my information. Something he said really resonated with me. He said “you would be very proud of him”. That in and of itself spoke volumes and my heart soared.
I knew 1) that my son was well and 2), that he was a good man. Several hours later my son called. He has a southern accent!! I LOVE southern accents!!!! We talked on the phone, texted photos back and forth and got to know one another a bit. I assure him that I honor his parents, the people who got up in the middle of the night to take care of him when ill, soothe him after a bad dream, put up with puberty and still love him. That is being a parent, not giving birth.
My son has a name and it is David; but you all know him as Mr. Pollock.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Las Vegas Baby! May 2010
May 26, 2010
Well I can tell you this much, Dianne is in SUNSHINE!! Wahoo!!!!!!!!!!! Poor Rich isn't,what can I say? Drizzle in Monroe with rain to follow. OK, I feel a little sorry for him, just a little ;).
So far nothing has happened that I have to 'leave in Vegas' but the trip ain't over. I have to have a few memories that will stay amongst my traveling posse. Speaking of them, there are three of us; Maureen 'Mo' Rogers who many of you know and Kay Francis. Kay and I have known each other since we were both pregnant with our daughters. Kris is just 3 weeks older than Kay's daughter Renee. Kay flew out from Michigan to join us. Her daughter Renee lives here and she has been our tour guide, driving us everywhere, basically taking care of the elderly and doing a mighty fine job.
We have been having a great time; pool, tanning, retail therapy and just a wee bit of the slots at this time but more to come. There has been a lot of good dinning though.
We had a fabulous Italian dinner Monday night. Prior to being seated we had a little libation to begin the evening. Did you know that Bellini's are refreshing and don't taste like they have liquor in them??? Trust me, they do. Both Mo and I had one (mine emptied before hers, she is smarter than yours truly) and then I ordered a Cosmopolitan. The Bellini hit before I could stop them making the Cosmo. Fortunately I ate copious amounts of bread to soak up the Bellini so I could drink the Cosmo! Wow, almost a disaster!!
Tuesday morning at the pool reading, floating and just enjoying. Then an afternoon of shopping. We were going to the strip but ended up having dinner at a great sports bar called Shuckers (as in oysters) north of town. Looking at the menu I spotted a hamburger called 'The Big Mother Shucker'. So glad I was drinking water at that time! Anyway, this is a one pound (yes, I said ONE POUND) stuffed hamburger! Couldn't resist so Renee and I decided to split one. Well, this monster arrives with a cleaver sticking out of it (OK, a steak knife but it was ginormous). I am sorry I didn't take a picture. I managed to eat half of my half and it really was amazing!
My only regret is that my daughters, Gina & Kris, were unable to join me on this adventure but next time my loves, next time!
May 28,2010 Vegas
Well, one more day and I wish it was going to be longer - having a great time. The weather is just perfect, not too hot although a bit windy (by a bit I mean whipping your clothes around you-if I had a skirt on I could have set sail for Miami!).
Yesterday began with a good cup of coffee, my book and sunglasses out on our enormous deck. As Kay and Mo stumbled out to join me, we decided to take a few pictures. Not classic cheesecake but at this age anything will do.
We decided to take the shuttle into the strip at 10am for a bit of touring and slots. Having never done this before (me), it is really something to walk this Vegas strip. Our destination was Aria and although it wasn't that far from Cesar's Palace, it did take awhile due to craning our necks for the skyward views.
Mo said that I needed some racier stories to add to this blog. Kay was afraid that meant talking to any guy laying sprawled on the street or gutter, lamenting on his losses from the night before and/or dealing with a lost love, humongous hangover, or vomiting. Frankly I was shocked and appalled that she thought I would stoop that low. I mean Really!! I told her I would only accost those in an upright position!
On to Bellagio which is in and of itself AMAZING! I decided that going into Tiffany was a must, really wanted one of those gift boxes. They were gracious, let me try on a couple of rings and only had two armed guards standing by! I was really pleased considering it was obvious from my expensive attire that I was more suited to be shopping at Walmart. Gutless wonder that I am, I didn't ask Hector, (yes that was his name and he did have a great tan and accent), if there was anything for about $20 I could buy so I could get a gift box. He did give me his card and asked for my name. He may have thought I was shopping incognito and was really someone with bucks. Poor guy,lost again.
A little snack then on to Aria and Crystal Tower. The slots were up and down for the three of us but we had fun. You now what the 'but we had fun' means. We decided to take a cab back to the condo to get ready for the evening.
Now, here is the night ahead of us. Renee and Brian, Kay's daughter, live across the street from one of the performers in 'O' at the Bellagio. She got us three tickets to sit in the control room for the show! It only has 10 seats and seeing the show from that angle was incredible.
For those that aren't familiar with it, 'O' is the cirque show with the pool. The pool floor is controlled by the technicians in the control booth and goes from 0 to 17 feet in depth MANY times during the show. When you see the performers dive, tumble or jump from 30' up you really hope that they are spot on with the depth. We can't thank Renee, Brian and Isabelle (the performer) enough for a very special memory. OK, I do have to tell you that we got a bit dressed up for our evening. (Gina, remember that leopard print 'thingy' I bought when we were visiting? Wore it and looked amazing and I felt pretty 'hot' for a 64 year old Grammy!) This description does have a point. I am getting to it, promise.
We played the slots after the show and finally got home around midnight. It was really windy but the air was so wonderfully clean that I mentioned to the girls that I wish I could leave the sliding door open from my bedroom to our deck while I slept. Mo said "well, why don't you"? "Isn't it obvious?" said I. Some hunk could come in and ravish me!! They both looked at me as if I had lost my mind! Mo replied with a bit of a smirk, "how the hell would a 'hunk' get on this deck?!"
We went on to the deck and although it even looked improbable to me I wasn't about to loose this battle. I looked over the edge and almost thought I saw a moat. OK, that wouldn't work. But then I looked up and told my audience," he could repel down from above" (I think I was inspired by 'O'). Do you have any idea what it does to ones ego when your friends react in this order?: Mo was laughing so hard I thought she was going to pee her pants and Kay's mouth was hanging open and her eyes were as wide as if she had a magnifying glass to them. Then she too went into a fit of laughter that seemed more like apoplexy than anything. I mean REALLY!
(Did I mention that I thought I looked hot?). With as much dignity as I could muster, I said "well, I look pretty perky tonight, right?". (OK, you men might not get this but the ladies will. I bought a new bra on Tuesday and what can I say -the girls are where they had been 20 years ago).
I refused to call 911 for those two, they now were rolling on the floor hysterical and had tears flowing down their faces and I wasn't going to tell them about the mascara streaks, served them right! OK, the three of us were laughing so hard at this point we couldn't talk. Every time I opened my mouth to defend my position (which was even ludicrous to me, I shrieked even louder. When we got our breath back, stopped looking at each other (that caused more hilarity) we went to our respective bedrooms. Good thing we weren't sharing rooms, we would have had a hard time not cracking up.
I want you all to know that the above happened without one bit of alcohol but copious amounts of chocolate.
#4 Richmond Family and Friends, One in the same??
Heat, humidity ughhhh! Not what I am used to or like but fortunately some cooler times. Two mornings when I awoke it was wonderful!! Crisp, cool air with low humidity - I told David these were Seattle mornings!!
I have described Gloria a bit to you in a past blog. She is such a beautiful woman inside and out. I felt so welcomed, a part of the family from the beginning. One of the things I found is how passionate Cubans are, well this Cuban in particular. She is quick to smile and quick laugh. All the while with incredible enthusiasm. I also saw that 'enthusiasm' when she was not too happy with Del! But she is quick to let it go and show love.
My dear Del, what a normal nutty, very cute 12 year old. The boy simply cracks me up. I am so enjoying getting to know him. It will be so much fun watching him morph into a young man. One of David's endearing words for Del is 'knucklehead' mostly when he is acting goofy, which is the majority of the time! There is that apple again son, didn't fall far from your tree!
The only member of the family I had not met in person was 21 year old Brayler (pronounced Bryler). He is a senior at Old Dominion College in Norfolk, VA., majoring in Mech.Engineering. He and I have emailed one another, 'met' skyping and on fb. The thing that surprised me from the beginning was how easy it was to have a conversation with him. The very first email he sent answered questions I had asked. It was filled with wonderful information about him and what he was doing in his life. He has wanted to be an Astronaut since he was 9 and continues on that path. On top of that he is one very, verrrry handsome young man! David told me earlier this summer that Brayler is the 'TP'. Toilet Paper??? Those are the initials I use on my grocery list! 'No Ma, Total Package'!
Brayler and his girlfriend Julia (also at OD and same major-these are two really smart kids) came home on Saturday of my last weekend in Va. I am not sure if there is any way to describe it other than perfect. It has been a very long time since I have met someone as easy to be with as Brayler. It is as if we have known each other since he was a baby. The comfort level, on a scale of 1-10 is at least a 20.
David, Brayler, Julia, Del and I had a bit of wii competition going on Saturday night - I definitely have to practice before I see them again! It was just great having a family night but poor Gloria was stuck studying upstairs. My normal early to bed was out the window!
David's best friend Dave (nickname Shot)....
Where do I begin? Hmmm, nutcase, over the top, quick, adroit, funny. . . .so many descriptions so little space!!
David and Shot have been friends for many years. They are like an old married couple, finishing each other's sentences, laughing at each others lame jokes, pulling pranks on one another that no woman in her right mind would laugh at. You know, boys being boys. Much like my Rich and Don. Gotta love these guys.
Shot is also a teacher but at the other end of the spectrum from David. He teaches children who have special needs, not an easy task. They are elementary school age and seem to give Shot a run for his money each and every day. The one phrase that he uses frequently is 'they got me down to their level and beat me up with their experience'. Forgive me Shot if I didn't get that exactly right but think everyone gets the meaning.
David first introduced us via email this summer then by phone in August. They thoughtfully included me in their daily email shots across the bow but I was quickly underwater! What the hell were they talking about now?? Usually one sentence that they understood but not Ma. I spent most of my time sending emails to them both that had one word "Huh?" On several occasion I found I really didn't want to know the gist. Now I know to ask in advance 'do I really need or want to know what you two are talking about?' Lord have mercy, these two really are a pair to draw to.
On Thursday, while at school in the morning, David gives me a big smile and says that he and Shot have something planned for the three of us. Should I be scared? No, hell, this is my son after all, he wouldn't get me into a bad situation now, would he?? Turns out the three of us were going to play pool! I howled knowing how many years it had been since I held a stick and HOW bad I was even then!
As we drove up to the 'place', sleaze is a kind word to describe it from the outside. An old tavern on the side of the road. Crooked path, dirt parking lot, kind of reminded me of the old days! Who's I don't know but someones. Then we go in. All the guys at the bar, which was just inside the door, turn and look. As I look at their faces I am honing in on the one I think and hope is Shot. Yeppers, got it right. All of the other gentlemen, after they stopped staring at me, give me a courteous southern gentlemen type of smile and settle back on their respective bar stools and beer.
Greeting Shot was greeting an old friend. We had gotten to know one another a bit over the summer, this was just the culmination of the introduction. As David and Shot guide me to the pool room (one table, cement floor, stacked cartons) I can't help but smile. This is a special time, my son is bringing me to a friend he treasures and feels safe with. His other half , alter ego, Yin and Yang? These two really do compliment each other, so different yet so alike. We have a great time, I occasionally get a good shot and they are patient with the old broad. As we leave and Shot and I hug I can't help but feel a bit sad that these two will go on without me - I have so enjoyed the camaraderie, being one of the guys was great fun.
Look out Shot, I will be back!
I have described Gloria a bit to you in a past blog. She is such a beautiful woman inside and out. I felt so welcomed, a part of the family from the beginning. One of the things I found is how passionate Cubans are, well this Cuban in particular. She is quick to smile and quick laugh. All the while with incredible enthusiasm. I also saw that 'enthusiasm' when she was not too happy with Del! But she is quick to let it go and show love.
My dear Del, what a normal nutty, very cute 12 year old. The boy simply cracks me up. I am so enjoying getting to know him. It will be so much fun watching him morph into a young man. One of David's endearing words for Del is 'knucklehead' mostly when he is acting goofy, which is the majority of the time! There is that apple again son, didn't fall far from your tree!
The only member of the family I had not met in person was 21 year old Brayler (pronounced Bryler). He is a senior at Old Dominion College in Norfolk, VA., majoring in Mech.Engineering. He and I have emailed one another, 'met' skyping and on fb. The thing that surprised me from the beginning was how easy it was to have a conversation with him. The very first email he sent answered questions I had asked. It was filled with wonderful information about him and what he was doing in his life. He has wanted to be an Astronaut since he was 9 and continues on that path. On top of that he is one very, verrrry handsome young man! David told me earlier this summer that Brayler is the 'TP'. Toilet Paper??? Those are the initials I use on my grocery list! 'No Ma, Total Package'!
Brayler and his girlfriend Julia (also at OD and same major-these are two really smart kids) came home on Saturday of my last weekend in Va. I am not sure if there is any way to describe it other than perfect. It has been a very long time since I have met someone as easy to be with as Brayler. It is as if we have known each other since he was a baby. The comfort level, on a scale of 1-10 is at least a 20.
David, Brayler, Julia, Del and I had a bit of wii competition going on Saturday night - I definitely have to practice before I see them again! It was just great having a family night but poor Gloria was stuck studying upstairs. My normal early to bed was out the window!
David's best friend Dave (nickname Shot)....
Where do I begin? Hmmm, nutcase, over the top, quick, adroit, funny. . . .so many descriptions so little space!!
David and Shot have been friends for many years. They are like an old married couple, finishing each other's sentences, laughing at each others lame jokes, pulling pranks on one another that no woman in her right mind would laugh at. You know, boys being boys. Much like my Rich and Don. Gotta love these guys.
Shot is also a teacher but at the other end of the spectrum from David. He teaches children who have special needs, not an easy task. They are elementary school age and seem to give Shot a run for his money each and every day. The one phrase that he uses frequently is 'they got me down to their level and beat me up with their experience'. Forgive me Shot if I didn't get that exactly right but think everyone gets the meaning.
David first introduced us via email this summer then by phone in August. They thoughtfully included me in their daily email shots across the bow but I was quickly underwater! What the hell were they talking about now?? Usually one sentence that they understood but not Ma. I spent most of my time sending emails to them both that had one word "Huh?" On several occasion I found I really didn't want to know the gist. Now I know to ask in advance 'do I really need or want to know what you two are talking about?' Lord have mercy, these two really are a pair to draw to.
On Thursday, while at school in the morning, David gives me a big smile and says that he and Shot have something planned for the three of us. Should I be scared? No, hell, this is my son after all, he wouldn't get me into a bad situation now, would he?? Turns out the three of us were going to play pool! I howled knowing how many years it had been since I held a stick and HOW bad I was even then!
As we drove up to the 'place', sleaze is a kind word to describe it from the outside. An old tavern on the side of the road. Crooked path, dirt parking lot, kind of reminded me of the old days! Who's I don't know but someones. Then we go in. All the guys at the bar, which was just inside the door, turn and look. As I look at their faces I am honing in on the one I think and hope is Shot. Yeppers, got it right. All of the other gentlemen, after they stopped staring at me, give me a courteous southern gentlemen type of smile and settle back on their respective bar stools and beer.
Greeting Shot was greeting an old friend. We had gotten to know one another a bit over the summer, this was just the culmination of the introduction. As David and Shot guide me to the pool room (one table, cement floor, stacked cartons) I can't help but smile. This is a special time, my son is bringing me to a friend he treasures and feels safe with. His other half , alter ego, Yin and Yang? These two really do compliment each other, so different yet so alike. We have a great time, I occasionally get a good shot and they are patient with the old broad. As we leave and Shot and I hug I can't help but feel a bit sad that these two will go on without me - I have so enjoyed the camaraderie, being one of the guys was great fun.
Look out Shot, I will be back!
#3 Richmond Continued - LC Bird HS Success Program
The first two days in David's classroom I was 'Mrs. Forth, volunteer'. One of the things David does for the students is give them something special and that is cinnamon toast. Normally he is back and forth using a dinky toaster oven making treats for 30 kids each class. With me there he had a 'Chef" and was relieved of kitchen duty. (One other thing the program does is fix breakfast for all 400 students one morning a month), just something to make them feel special.
For those two days the classes were courteous and respectful, one of the major things this program stresses. David refers to his class when talking to them as a whole as 'Ladies and Gentlemen'. Maybe a bit old fashioned for us 'enlightened northerners' but I think it is wonderful. He is giving them respect, the same respect he expects in return.
We spend the evenings working on the story. David really wants me to read it to his classes but I can barely make it through the first page without getting emotional. He says "That's great! They will get the full impact!" Really??!! Come on son, this still rips at my heart and I AM NOT GOING TO READ IT OUT LOUD! I finally convince him with my subtlety that he has to be my 'voice' and frankly he reads out loud with great flair being a broadcast journalism major. Besides, I will be reading the epilogue to the classes with the surprise punch at the end and that will be difficult enough.
We make copies of the story so that the students can read along if they choose. There are also 'questions' pertaining to the story that David will verbally ask the student's just to see if they understand the material.
I will be sitting in the front of the room to one side (David doesn't want us too close together, wants to make sure the kids don't pick up on our resemblance too soon) and David will be about 10 feet away. There are also two video cameras each trained on one of us. Drama in spades!
Thursday morning arrives, we are both excited. We follow our now normal morning routine at home. My bedroom is downstairs and my handsome son brings me coffee along with a good morning hug and kiss. As we get in the car to leave for school David asks one more time if I am sure about not reading the story myself. I think my look at him which pretty much said 'What the Hell??' got his attention. He smiled, chuckled and said "OK Ma, just thought I would check". Cheeky boy, really cheeky!
All of the faculty knows about our reunion and by now they know about our plan. We will be presenting the story for 3 classes on Thursday, 3 classes on Friday and then 4 on Monday. Several teachers want to bring in their class so now we go from 30 kids to 50 or so each time! No stress at all, not a bit, I am just fine!!
David's first class comes in on Thursday. As they settle in their seats he begins, sitting on a stool, looking at them over the top's of his reading glasses.
"Ladies and gentlemen. Our class will be different today. You have all known Mrs. Forth as a volunteer this week who made you toast. She wanted a chance to become comfortable with you all before we presented the real real reason she is here. She has written a very personal story, one that is true that we felt would benefit all of you. I will be reading the story aloud, you have a copy in front of you that you may read silently along with me or just listen. At the end of the story I will ask you questions but there will be no grade. I just want to make sure you understand the story. Then Mrs. Forth will read the epilogue."
David begins reading aloud. As I look around the room at the kids, eyes meet mine then quickly dart away. Other students lock eyes with me for a few seconds. The room is so quiet you can hear a pin drop. As the story progresses I gaze at these wonderful kids again and see each and everyone of them reading along silently. As David turns the page you can hear and see each of these students simultaneously do the same. The sound of their pages turning, in a room so very, very quiet, digs into my heart. They are really listening, reading, they understand.
As David reads the last line, 'Page gave me the greatest gift of all.....this one to take home', I see tears welling in many. So many of these kids are seeing me through new eyes, not just this older lady who made them toast. They are seeing me as the teen I was.
When David begins asking the questions about the story I am stunned by how many answer together. He emphasizes key points, he wants to make sure they get the seriousness of the story. It is immediately evident that that do.
Now my turn. A bit anxious, a bit emotional, just a bit of everything. As I begin to read the epilogue, they begin to understand that I began my search for my child only 3 months earlier. I can see the surprise in faces, some of the kids are still having trouble making eye contact with me. I know this is hitting home with a lot of them. Maybe they were adopted and now have an idea of what it was like for their birth parents to give them up. Maybe they were kept and raised by a teen mother who had to struggle to get through each day. Maybe they have been pregnant or fathered a child. Whatever was going through their minds, it was readable on their faces.
When I get to the end and they know I have found my son I say "My son has a name and it is David............but you all know him as Mr. Pollock". With that one line recognition begins, dead silence for several seconds, heads are whipping between me and David then eruption!! 'No way!, I knew it!, You gotta be kidding! Wow!! David and I move to one another laughing with huge smiles and hug.
Things settle down a bit and David pulls me close with his arm around me, points at our faces and says "you think?!" It was the most amazing moment and each and every class had the same intensity and thrill for me, for us both.
Then the questions begin and I have to tell you I was absolutely amazed that it was the boys asking 90% of them. Intelligent questions, some we anticipated some we didn't. David stressed to the students that we weren't doing this to be the center of attention. He wanted them to see the aftermath of teen pregnancy, what one outcome can be. It was difficult at times because there were several girls who were pregnant in the classes. My heart sank a bit looking at them knowing what they would be dealing with not matter their choice, whether or not they kept their baby or gave it up for adoption. Hard, so very hard either way.
On each day of our presentation, we had feedback in various ways. One student was in tears because of a difficult family life and just needed a hug. Another young man came back into the classroom with arms out stretched and chin quivering. As I hugged him back he said "thank you for Mr. Pollock". You have no idea how that made my heart soar. I knew David was doing wonderful things in this Success Program but having a 17 year old boy confirm that with tears in his eyes and in a broken voice just gave me a warmth that is hard to describe. There were many other kids who came in to talk or just wanted to give me a hug.
At the end of each class David asked if they had liked the surprise at the end. To a person they did. He asked them to please keep it a secret so that other classes could experience it too. Amazingly, most of the other classes didn't know that we were mother and son until the end. Pretty gratifying that they could keep it quiet - not sure I could have!
One of the funniest things happened on Friday after school. All of a sudden three girls appear at the door to David's classroom. Two of the girls were identical twins and one had been in one of our classes but the other had not. The one twin who didn't know the 'secret' was begging for David to tell her, her twin refused! All I could think of was how hammered the 'knowing twin' would be all weekend by her inquisitive sister. I told the three of them to come in and shut the door. This time 'I' read the story and David read the epilogue. What was really something was the ending - the two who didn't know were stunned that David was the child given up in my story.
I feel so blessed to have been at L.C. Bird High School - it is a wonderful arena of learning and hope. I have a new family in Richmond and not just David and his family. I get to go back and see these kids and David's colleagues. How lucky am I!
For those two days the classes were courteous and respectful, one of the major things this program stresses. David refers to his class when talking to them as a whole as 'Ladies and Gentlemen'. Maybe a bit old fashioned for us 'enlightened northerners' but I think it is wonderful. He is giving them respect, the same respect he expects in return.
We spend the evenings working on the story. David really wants me to read it to his classes but I can barely make it through the first page without getting emotional. He says "That's great! They will get the full impact!" Really??!! Come on son, this still rips at my heart and I AM NOT GOING TO READ IT OUT LOUD! I finally convince him with my subtlety that he has to be my 'voice' and frankly he reads out loud with great flair being a broadcast journalism major. Besides, I will be reading the epilogue to the classes with the surprise punch at the end and that will be difficult enough.
We make copies of the story so that the students can read along if they choose. There are also 'questions' pertaining to the story that David will verbally ask the student's just to see if they understand the material.
I will be sitting in the front of the room to one side (David doesn't want us too close together, wants to make sure the kids don't pick up on our resemblance too soon) and David will be about 10 feet away. There are also two video cameras each trained on one of us. Drama in spades!
Thursday morning arrives, we are both excited. We follow our now normal morning routine at home. My bedroom is downstairs and my handsome son brings me coffee along with a good morning hug and kiss. As we get in the car to leave for school David asks one more time if I am sure about not reading the story myself. I think my look at him which pretty much said 'What the Hell??' got his attention. He smiled, chuckled and said "OK Ma, just thought I would check". Cheeky boy, really cheeky!
All of the faculty knows about our reunion and by now they know about our plan. We will be presenting the story for 3 classes on Thursday, 3 classes on Friday and then 4 on Monday. Several teachers want to bring in their class so now we go from 30 kids to 50 or so each time! No stress at all, not a bit, I am just fine!!
David's first class comes in on Thursday. As they settle in their seats he begins, sitting on a stool, looking at them over the top's of his reading glasses.
"Ladies and gentlemen. Our class will be different today. You have all known Mrs. Forth as a volunteer this week who made you toast. She wanted a chance to become comfortable with you all before we presented the real real reason she is here. She has written a very personal story, one that is true that we felt would benefit all of you. I will be reading the story aloud, you have a copy in front of you that you may read silently along with me or just listen. At the end of the story I will ask you questions but there will be no grade. I just want to make sure you understand the story. Then Mrs. Forth will read the epilogue."
David begins reading aloud. As I look around the room at the kids, eyes meet mine then quickly dart away. Other students lock eyes with me for a few seconds. The room is so quiet you can hear a pin drop. As the story progresses I gaze at these wonderful kids again and see each and everyone of them reading along silently. As David turns the page you can hear and see each of these students simultaneously do the same. The sound of their pages turning, in a room so very, very quiet, digs into my heart. They are really listening, reading, they understand.
As David reads the last line, 'Page gave me the greatest gift of all.....this one to take home', I see tears welling in many. So many of these kids are seeing me through new eyes, not just this older lady who made them toast. They are seeing me as the teen I was.
When David begins asking the questions about the story I am stunned by how many answer together. He emphasizes key points, he wants to make sure they get the seriousness of the story. It is immediately evident that that do.
Now my turn. A bit anxious, a bit emotional, just a bit of everything. As I begin to read the epilogue, they begin to understand that I began my search for my child only 3 months earlier. I can see the surprise in faces, some of the kids are still having trouble making eye contact with me. I know this is hitting home with a lot of them. Maybe they were adopted and now have an idea of what it was like for their birth parents to give them up. Maybe they were kept and raised by a teen mother who had to struggle to get through each day. Maybe they have been pregnant or fathered a child. Whatever was going through their minds, it was readable on their faces.
When I get to the end and they know I have found my son I say "My son has a name and it is David............but you all know him as Mr. Pollock". With that one line recognition begins, dead silence for several seconds, heads are whipping between me and David then eruption!! 'No way!, I knew it!, You gotta be kidding! Wow!! David and I move to one another laughing with huge smiles and hug.
Things settle down a bit and David pulls me close with his arm around me, points at our faces and says "you think?!" It was the most amazing moment and each and every class had the same intensity and thrill for me, for us both.
Then the questions begin and I have to tell you I was absolutely amazed that it was the boys asking 90% of them. Intelligent questions, some we anticipated some we didn't. David stressed to the students that we weren't doing this to be the center of attention. He wanted them to see the aftermath of teen pregnancy, what one outcome can be. It was difficult at times because there were several girls who were pregnant in the classes. My heart sank a bit looking at them knowing what they would be dealing with not matter their choice, whether or not they kept their baby or gave it up for adoption. Hard, so very hard either way.
On each day of our presentation, we had feedback in various ways. One student was in tears because of a difficult family life and just needed a hug. Another young man came back into the classroom with arms out stretched and chin quivering. As I hugged him back he said "thank you for Mr. Pollock". You have no idea how that made my heart soar. I knew David was doing wonderful things in this Success Program but having a 17 year old boy confirm that with tears in his eyes and in a broken voice just gave me a warmth that is hard to describe. There were many other kids who came in to talk or just wanted to give me a hug.
At the end of each class David asked if they had liked the surprise at the end. To a person they did. He asked them to please keep it a secret so that other classes could experience it too. Amazingly, most of the other classes didn't know that we were mother and son until the end. Pretty gratifying that they could keep it quiet - not sure I could have!
One of the funniest things happened on Friday after school. All of a sudden three girls appear at the door to David's classroom. Two of the girls were identical twins and one had been in one of our classes but the other had not. The one twin who didn't know the 'secret' was begging for David to tell her, her twin refused! All I could think of was how hammered the 'knowing twin' would be all weekend by her inquisitive sister. I told the three of them to come in and shut the door. This time 'I' read the story and David read the epilogue. What was really something was the ending - the two who didn't know were stunned that David was the child given up in my story.
I feel so blessed to have been at L.C. Bird High School - it is a wonderful arena of learning and hope. I have a new family in Richmond and not just David and his family. I get to go back and see these kids and David's colleagues. How lucky am I!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
#2 Richmond continued -
I left off telling you that David and I had some special plans for his students in the coming week. It is to tell them My story, now Our story. This week will be full of editing and paring down my original story to fit class time. Lot's or work to do!
First I must tell you about the Success Program (SP) that David teaches at L.C. Bird High School in Richmond. L.C. Bird HS is a regular part of the Chester County public school system, it is not a 'special or alternative school' in any way, the SP is just one part of the ciriculum. The SP began about 10 years ago at the hands of teacher Matt Bland. He saw an enormous need to help kids who had acedemic and social issues.
History of the Success Program:
The Success Program was created 10 years ago as a 9th grade transition program. Since then, the program has now developed into a "safety-net" for the entire school. The purpose of the program is to make sure that every student at L.C. Bird has the resouces available to ensure their success in high school. Initially, rising freshmen are recommended and/or recruited to enter the program during their 8th grade year. In addition, any freshman who is struggling throughout the year will be recruited to enter the program. All former members of the Success Program are tracked throughout their high school years until they graduate. In addition, grades are monitored for the entire student body throughout the year. Students who are struggling are offered the opportunity to enter the Success Program in order to improve their academic standing.
Success Program Services:
The Success Program provides 11th and 12 grade student mentors to all of our freshmen students. Volunteer teachers provide tutoring to all of our students. All Success students have the opportunity to complete homework from other classes, make up quizzes or test and complete projects for other classes; all under the supervision and assistance of Success Program faculty. School supplies are available for free to Success students. This year we have added a Success Programcomputer lab with over 40 computers. The Success Program also offers an intense SOL remediation program in order to ensure all of our students successfully pass their SOLs
According to the Richmond Times Dispatch "....the national average for freshmen failures is approximately 20%...."
First I must tell you about the Success Program (SP) that David teaches at L.C. Bird High School in Richmond. L.C. Bird HS is a regular part of the Chester County public school system, it is not a 'special or alternative school' in any way, the SP is just one part of the ciriculum. The SP began about 10 years ago at the hands of teacher Matt Bland. He saw an enormous need to help kids who had acedemic and social issues.
History of the Success Program:
The Success Program was created 10 years ago as a 9th grade transition program. Since then, the program has now developed into a "safety-net" for the entire school. The purpose of the program is to make sure that every student at L.C. Bird has the resouces available to ensure their success in high school. Initially, rising freshmen are recommended and/or recruited to enter the program during their 8th grade year. In addition, any freshman who is struggling throughout the year will be recruited to enter the program. All former members of the Success Program are tracked throughout their high school years until they graduate. In addition, grades are monitored for the entire student body throughout the year. Students who are struggling are offered the opportunity to enter the Success Program in order to improve their academic standing.
Success Program Services:
The Success Program provides 11th and 12 grade student mentors to all of our freshmen students. Volunteer teachers provide tutoring to all of our students. All Success students have the opportunity to complete homework from other classes, make up quizzes or test and complete projects for other classes; all under the supervision and assistance of Success Program faculty. School supplies are available for free to Success students. This year we have added a Success Programcomputer lab with over 40 computers. The Success Program also offers an intense SOL remediation program in order to ensure all of our students successfully pass their SOLs
According to the Richmond Times Dispatch "....the national average for freshmen failures is approximately 20%...."
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